AFPoFH ARC2 ☆ 36~40

四院病友交流论坛 

A Forum for Patients of Fourth Hospital

☆ 36 Haunted by Fire: The Unjustly Departed's Fear of Water

Lu Xun wiped the sweat from his brow, faking his way through the mahjong game (he had no clue how to play), and asked Gu Jing Rong with a shaky voice, "What village legends? Why haven't I heard you mention it before?"

Gu Jing Rong, who was scared out of his wits but oddly defiant, snapped back, "Are we buddies? Why would I share this with you?"

Lu Xun was speechless for a moment; he had to concede that Gu Jing Rong had a point.

Yu Xiao, who realised that this ghost was mute, turned to Gu Jing Rong and asked, "Did you grow up hearing this legend?"

"No, not really." For some reason, even though his wives were fearsome, Gu Jing Rong feared his eldest wife the most. He said truthfully, "This happened last year."

Last year? Yu Xiao's guess was correct; something had occurred in the village last year.

"Tell me more." Yu Xiao, sipping a cup of tea, sat close by.

With the formidable wives nearby, Gu Jing Rong gradually lost some of his fear. After some thought, he said, "I was still recovering from an illness then, and I heard it from others. There's a family that lives on the other side of the river, away from the rest of the villagers, in the northernmost part of our village."

"Why?" Zhao Lan asked, puzzled. "Isn't the other side of the river a graveyard?"

"Yes, they were outsiders who came to our village a long time ago. My grandfather was the village head then. He took pity on their family and gave them a plot of land on the other side of the river to look after the graves," Gu Jing Rong paused a bit. "Because of that, the villagers didn't really mingle with them, but their family managed to make a home in the village."

Gu Jing Rong's tongue darted out to moisten his lips as he spoke. "They were a family of incense makers, masters of their craft. Their skill brought them wealth and prosperity, until the day the flames devoured them. It was last year, when my parents left me alone in the house. I was feverish and weak, and they never stayed away for so long. I sensed something was wrong in the village. They returned at nightfall, and my mother told me the dreadful news. The family across the river had sparked a fire by accident while making incense, and the whole family of four perished in the flames."

"Bang!"

A loud noise startled them all, and they turned to see a dark figure slamming a mahjong tile on the table. It was one of the ghosts, a black silhouette with a gaping mouth as its only feature. Yu Xiao could not read any emotion on its faceless form.

Gu Jing Rong cast a wary glance at the dark figure and went on, "Since then, we stopped burning incense in the village. Everyone says that burning incense lures evil spirits."

"Poor thing." Zhou Xiao Zhen gazed at the ghost with a different look, "It's one of the ones who died in the fire from the family across the river, right?"

"Strange." Lu Xun sniffed, "The ones who died in the fire should smell charred, why does it smell like a latrine?"

"Tsk." Yu Xiao was annoyed by his nitpicking, "We're dealing with serious matters here. Why are you obsessed with the smell? What does it have to do with our situation?"

Lu Xun didn't get why she was so upset, "I was just wondering."

Zhou Xiao Zhen shook her head, "Wondering like that hurts their feelings."

"...Okay, sorry," Lu Xun muttered apologetically.

Yu Xiao finished her cup of tea and was about to refill it when Luo Jin handed her his empty cup. She looked at him and poured him a full cup of tea.

Luo Jin gulped down the tea and asked, "When did the plague begin? Before or after the fire?"

Gu Jing Rong paused, "After."

The answer made Luo Jin put down his teacup with a clatter. He announced to the others, "I have to go back to the graveyard."

Yu Xiao caught his meaning and nodded. "You think... I'll come with you."

Lu Xun looked torn. "Me too. But when will this damn mahjong game end? Can you wait for me?"

Yu Xiao tossed some talismans to Zhao Lan. "Misty, you stay here. If anything goes wrong, you deal with it."

Zhao Lan pocketed the talismans. "Don't worry. Precious and I can handle anything."

Yu Xiao gave her a curt nod and followed Luo Jin out of the village chief's house.

They reached the riverside again, under the cover of night.

A cool breeze caressed their faces as Luo Jin kicked off his shoes. He said, "They say the ghosts who burned in the fire are afraid of water. They won't come near the river."

Yu Xiao hesitated as she removed her shoes. "So there's no bridge across the river, to keep the ghosts from crossing?"

Luo Jin didn't answer. They waded through the water in silence. In the graveyard, Luo Jin scanned the tombstones. Yu Xiao spotted three small mounds at the edge of the field. She walked over, took a closer look, and waved at Luo Jin. "Over here!"

Luo Jin joined her, and they stood together, facing the three graves.

The stone tablets were crude and worn, but the names were still legible. "Zhang Zhong Shi's Grave (张忠实)," "Xie Ai Lian's Grave (谢爱莲)," and "Zhang Cui Cui's Grave (张翠翠)."

All the villagers had the surname Gu, except for this family across the river. It was easy for Yu Xiao to find them.

Luo Jin said, "Four of them died, but only three graves here."

Yu Xiao nodded. "Three graves here, but we've only caught two ghosts."

They followed the riverbank and soon came across a charred ruin. This must have been the house of that family, reduced to ashes and exposed to the elements for almost a year, now overrun by weeds.

This old tragedy was full of mysteries. Why were there only three graves, when the whole family burned to death? Why did the villagers destroy the bridge, as if they knew the ghosts would be trapped by the water? Were they afraid of something?

With a shovel in his hands, Luo Jin returned to the graveyard, shovelling dirt off the village head's grave. He pried open the coffin and found the corpse untouched, the head still whole.

He knelt by the coffin, frowning. "Someone or something hates this village. That's why they destroy the souls of the dead, leaving the graveyard empty and silent. But look at the village head's head—it's still there."

Yu Xiao joined him, crouching. "The ghosts are scared of water. They can't cross the river, so they can't touch the village head's head."

Luo Jin glanced at the other bank. "But some ghosts did cross the river. They burned on this side, but they made it to the village."

Yu Xiao shook her head. "Not all of them. There was one who didn't die in the fire. One who escaped. Remember? We caught a ghost in the river that night."

"Oh," Luo Jin nodded. "You took the river ghost away, so the other two couldn't cross anymore."

Yu Xiao rose to her feet, exhaling. She turned her eyes upstream, where a temple housed a mysterious creature.

She must have figured out the truth. A year ago, the village head's son was dying, and the village head begged the temple for a piece of its flesh. But the flesh had a price; a life for a life.

The village was a clan of old blood, bound by tradition and loyalty. So the village head chose the outsiders, the family across the river.

They stole their young son to the temple. Later, to cover up or to silence, the village head lit their house on fire. The parents died in the inferno, but the daughter, quick or lucky or helped by her parents, escaped with burns all over her body. She plunged into the river and drowned, charred and wet.

The village head feared what he had done, and he broke the bridge over the river. He didn't think that the Zhang girl, Zhang Cui Cui, could swim in death, carrying her parents' souls with her.

When they reached the graveyard Luo Jin had already felt no ghostly presence. He guessed that the spirits had all retreated to the village, hiding from them. Yu Xiao had pulled the ghost out of the river, blocking the path of the other ghosts. The village chief's scheme was foiled.

Yu Xiao let out a sigh, feeling sick of the grim situation. She loved life, and hated seeing it wasted.

"We need to find the last ghost, the one that's been sneaking around," she said, sounding tired. "Do you know how to catch it?"

Luo Jin nodded. "We have something to lure it out."

Yu Xiao slapped her forehead, remembering. The two ghosts they had were related to the last one. They could use them as bait, and the last ghost would come.

They headed back, side by side. Yu Xiao thought that Luo Jin, though quiet, was dependable. He was better than that chatterbox, Lu Xun. She complimented him, "You're a decent guy, brother."

Luo Jin showed no emotion. "You're not too bad yourself."

Yu Xiao rolled her eyes, thinking, was that necessary? She saw him take out his phone and ask, "Want to exchange numbers?"

Yu Xiao raised an eyebrow. "We're not from the same hospital. What's the point?"

Luo Jin insisted. "It's useful. Lu Xun knows a lot of people from other hospitals."

Yu Xiao didn't think twice, swapping numbers with him. They walked back to the village chief's house, where the mahjong game had been abandoned. Lu Xun, whose hair looked like a firework had gone off in it, greeted them with a pathetic look.

Luo Jin's gaze was drawn to Lu Xun's hair as soon as they stepped into the room. He blinked, trying to process what he was seeing. 

Yu Xiao caught on right away and faced Zhou Xiao Zhen, "You did this to Lu Xun?"

"Yeah." Zhou Xiao Zhen folded her arms, her expression hard. "He deserved it."

Lu Xun sulked, "Fine, fine, I admit it. I deserved it. But enough about me. Did you guys find anything useful on your little trip?"

Yu Xiao scanned the room and finally settled on the ghost they had captured. She said, "Call everyone, Zuo Qing too. We might get out of here soon."

Zhang Feng had woken up by now. He was pale, but otherwise okay. Losing an arm was not the end of the world in this survival game. It could be fixed, for a price.

Zhang Feng shrugged it off. He was lucky to be alive, and he didn't complain about his missing arm.

Everyone's faces lit up when they heard they could leave soon.

Zuo Qing asked, "Who found the clues?"

Lu Xun pointed at Yu Xiao and Luo Jin, "These two did."

Zuo Qing ignored Luo Jin and gazed at Yu Xiao with awe, "Sister Smiley, you're incredible. You're the boss for a reason."

Yu Xiao replied humbly, "It's no big deal, really."

Zuo Qing's eyes sparkled with admiration as she asked, "How did you do it? Can you tell me, so I can learn from you?"

☆ 37 Deaf Descendant!!!

Yu Xiao didn't believe in learning. She thought it was all about talent. She gave them a quick summary of what had happened and added, "But it was only a guess. We didn't know for sure if the ghost we were looking for had anything to do with the village plague."

"It had to be that damn ghost," Zhou Xiao Zhen snapped. "I would want revenge too, if I were him."

Zhao Lan wasn't convinced. "But the village chief was the one who wronged his family. Why would they kill the whole village?"

Lu Xun, who knew a thing or two about ghosts, said, "Ghosts aren't like us. They're made of hate. Hate that twists and grows when they die. They don't care who they hurt."

Zuo Qing nodded. "And the villagers never treated them well. They always shunned them. They probably hated them too."

They reached a lonely spot at the edge of the village. Zhao Lan set the pressure cooker down, peeled off the talisman, and popped the lid. A small, pathetic, and terrified water ghost was curled up inside.

Zhou Xiao Zhen felt sorry for the ghost. She knew what her family had gone through. She squatted down, and the ghost cringed.

"It's okay. You're Zhang Cui Cui, right?" Zhou Xiao Zhen said softly. "We're not here to hurt you. We just need to find your dad. We might need your help, but don't fight back. They're very mean to ghosts that fight back. My sister, Smiley, has a lot of talismans. You don't want to mess with her..."

The ghost was scared before, but now she was terrified. Zhou Xiao Zhen's kind words made her feel even more hopeless.

"Woo... woo... woo..."

The ghost's wails pierced the night, thin and pitiful. Yu Xiao and the others watched as the ghost sobbed, curled up in a ball. Yu Xiao clapped her hands and said, "Precious, you did great."

"Huh?" Zhou Xiao Zhen blinked, confused. "What did I do?"

They had planned to use the water ghost as bait for the other ghost. But they didn't have a clue how to lure it out. Luckily, Zhou Xiao Zhen had scared the water ghost so much that it cried like a baby. That was enough to do the trick.

The villagers heard the ghost's cries and shivered. They slammed their windows and locked their doors. They wanted nothing to do with the ghost.

Mother Gu, who had been sleeping, woke up to the noise. Her heart raced. She threw on some clothes and ran to Gu Jing Rong's house.

"Thud, thud, thud!"

"Little Rong, are you awake?"

Gu Jing Rong had a restless night. He had been bothered by too many things. He dragged himself out of bed, opened the door, and said, "Mom, what is it?"

His mother peeked inside the room. It was empty. None of his five daughters-in-law were there.

"Where are your wives?" she asked.

"I don't know." Gu Jing Rong sounded hopeless. "They never tell me anything. I can't control what they do."

"Hmph, you're useless. You can't even handle your own wives." The village head's mother scowled at him, annoyed. Then, she remembered the rumours about his daughters-in-law and the village doctor. And how they were missing at this hour. She couldn't help but wonder...

Mother Gu couldn't take it anymore. She needed to find someone, anyone. The middle aged woman stepped outside, and the wails hit her like a punch. She was going to check on the Gu family, but something pulled her in another direction. A dark curiosity. A twisted urge. She had to see. She had to know.

Mother Gu followed the sound for a while, until she stumbled upon a bizarre sight. All her daughters-in-law were there, along with those weird outsiders. They were huddled around a pressure cooker, and the wails were coming from inside. What the hell?

The woman was too scared to say anything. She hid behind a tree, and watched in silence. Then, she saw something that made her blood run cold.

A huge, black shape was moving towards them. Slowly, steadily, inexorably.

Yu Xiao and the others saw it too. They felt a wave of dread wash over them. Most of them started to choke.

"Cough, cough, cough, cough..."

Zhou Xiao Zhen clamped her hand over her mouth, hacking like crazy. Zuo Qing and the rest joined her in a chorus of coughs. Only Yu Xiao, Zhao Lan, Luo Jin, and Lu Xun managed to stay on their feet.

Yu Xiao was still standing, but barely. Her throat was on fire, and her head was spinning. The symptoms got worse as the black shape got closer.

“There’s the source of the plague, all right,” Lu Xun said, his voice tight. “Only those of us with stamina cards can fight it off, but the others need to stay away. Their bodies can’t take it.”

“I’ll get them out of here,” Zhao Lan said.

She helped Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zuo Qing to a safe distance. Then she saw a shape behind a tree. She narrowed her eyes and said, “Is that village chief’s wife?”

“How dare you call me that?” The woman stepped out, brazen and bold. “I’m your mother-in-law, you ungrateful wretch. What are you doing here at this hour? And what is that thing?”

The thing in the pot heard her and stopped moving, as if waiting.

Zhao Lan felt a surge of loathing. She settled Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zuo Qing and went back to the woman. She yanked her by the arm.

“Ow! That hurts… What are you doing? Have you gone mad?”

Zhao Lan dragged her to where Yu Xiao and the others were. The woman’s bravado faded as she got closer to the source.

“Cough, cough… Ghosts… There are ghosts…”

“Ghosts? You’re the ones who made them,” Zhao Lan snapped, pointing at the water ghost in the pot. “You killed other people’s children to save your own, and burned their families alive. They came back as ghosts and took their revenge, spreading the plague to everyone in the village!”

The pot was supposed to be empty. But when Mother Gu peered inside she saw a face staring back at her. A face that belonged to a dead girl. She screamed and curled up her fat body on the ground. “Get it away from me, get it away!”

Lu Xun sneered. “What’s the matter? You weren’t so scared when you killed her, were you?”

“Killed her?” Mother Gu whimpered. “We didn’t kill Them. They killed, they killed themselves. They set themselves on fire.”

“Really? They just decided to burn themselves alive?” Zhao Lan grabbed Mother Gu by the hair. “Don’t you dare lie to us!”

“I’m not lying!” Mother Gu sobbed. “We had to sacrifice their son. It was the only way to save mine. His grandfather had taken them in when they were homeless. They should have been grateful. But they were trouble. They made enemies of everyone in the village. And there were others who needed the gods’ help. So we thought, why not offer them all to the gods…”

She broke down in tears. “I didn’t murder them. They knew what we were planning. They set the fire themselves. It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault…”

“Ugh.” Wang Yang couldn’t stand it anymore. He had been coughing up blood now. And he felt something else coming up. “I think I’m gonna hurl… blargh!”

“Yuck…”

They all backed away from the vomit, covering their mouths.

Zhao Lan said, “What do we do now?”

Yu Xiao shrugged. She didn’t care about the woman on the floor, who looked like a lump of dough. She said, “Gu Shu told us to find the cause of the plague. He didn’t say we had to bring it back. This should do, right?”

“Right.” Lu Xun nodded. “Let’s go find Gu Shu.”

They supported each other and left the hut. As they did, the pot lid moved. The water ghost crawled out of the pot, shaping itself into a black figure. It stood over Mother Gu, who was still moaning.

Zhao Lan held Zhou Xiao Zhen steady, while Yu Xiao guided Zuo Qing. Zuo Qing's face was twisted by sickness, flushed with a strange fever, her eyes flickering between rapture and agony. 

Sun Yun, leaning on Lu Xun, watched her with a mix of pity and disgust. "You're making a spectacle of yourself." 

"Boss," she said to Yu Xiao, "Let me do you a favour and tell you what Zuo Qing is too shy to admit. She admires you and she wants your number. I can be your messenger, if you like. Or not. It's up to you."

Zuo Qing's face burned brighter, as if she had been slapped. She wished Sun Yun would shut up.

Yu Xiao looked at her with a curious expression. "You want my number?"

"Yeah." Zuo Qing whispered, barely audible like a mosquito's hum.

Yu Xiao repeated, "Do you want the number of Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave?"

Zuo Qing felt a jolt of confusion, as if she had missed a joke. She didn't know what she meant, but she nodded anyway. "Yes."

"I can't give you the number," Yu Xiao said. "Maybe we'll cross paths again someday, if fate allows."

Zuo Qing's heart sank; Smiley had turned her down.

They reached the old tree's house, where the lights were still on. Yu Xiao knocked on the door, "Gu Shu, open up! We've solved the mystery. The ghost of Zhang Zhong Shi, the one who died on the other side of the river, he's the cause of the plague. Come on, open the door..."

"I know," Gu Shu's voice came from inside. "You've done well. You can go now."

"I'm going right away," Yu Xiao said, standing by the door. "Don't you want to see me one last time?"

The house was quiet for a moment, and then Gu Shu said, "Just go."

"You're cold as ice, you know that?" Yu Xiao said, her voice bitter. She turned her back on him, feeling the sting of rejection.

Lu Xun smiled, unfazed. "Come on, guys, let's swap numbers, yeah?"

The nine of them disappeared into the night, leaving no trace of their presence in the village.

Dr Gu Shu brewed himself a cup of tea; he felt a surge of relief as the irritating woman finally left. He was in a good mood, and the tea wasn't enough to quench his thirst. He thought about getting a bottle of booze.

He didn't know that, at that very moment, upstream of the river in the village, a monstrous creature erupted from the temple's water pool. It thrashed its many tentacles, slashing at the air where it smelled flesh and blood.

Gu Shu dug out his secret stash of liquor from the cabinet, along with his prized drinking cup. He wondered if he should stay, now that the annoying woman was gone for good.

Then he felt something and looked up.

"Boom!"

A loud noise shattered the silence, and Gu Shu's house crumbled.

Tentacles sprang from everywhere, wrapping around Gu Shu.

Trapped like a dumpling, his mind blank, he was about to be dragged into a dark hole, when he realised what was happening.

A roar of rage shook the village that night.

"Deaf Descendant!!!"

☆ 38 Smiley, be My Hero and Sleep with Me!

They returned to the hospital room, where the plague had no hold on them. Zhou Xiao Zhen collapsed on the bed, sighing with satisfaction. "It's great to be here again."

Zhao Lan stared at her phone, eagerly awaiting this time’s harvest.

Yu Xiao got herself a glass of water and was about to drink when Zhou Xiao Zhen started to reminisce about their adventures in the instance. "Are all the doctors so good-looking?"

Yu Xiao shrugged. She said, "I wanted to tell Gu Shu that I left some of the monster's meat in his backyard. But he wouldn't see me, so I just took off."

"I almost forgot about that." Zhou Xiao Zhen said. "Do you think the monster will show up after we're gone?"

*

*

In the village they left behind, among the debris, a huge beast wriggled its few remaining tentacles, trying to flee into the temple's pool. It left a trail of broken limbs.

Gu Shu emerged from not quite dead, some twitching and jerking, tentacle mass on the ground.

His clothes were torn to shreds, barely covering his privates. His skin was marked with suckers and his hair was ragged, as if a dog had bitten it. He had lost his grace. 

He stood still among the tentacles, for a long time. Then he took out his phone and called a number. He said, "Hey, I need a new job. And do you know a patient called 'Deaf Descendant'? I want to be her doctor again..."

*

*

"Ah, mmm!" Yu Xiao stretched on the bed, after a nice shower and checked her texts.

The messages flashed on the screen, one after another, like a cruel joke.

【You have successfully completed the second round of treatment. Welcome to Level 3 of the Sixth Hospital's patient discussion forum.】

【Your performance during the treatment was outstanding. You have earned 3 base points and 3 bonus points.】

【You have earned the title of 'Shit-Hole Destroyer'...】

Yu Xiao: "..."

Yu Xiao stared at the words, feeling a surge of horror and humiliation. She knew that this time, she had become the butt of the joke for all six hospitals.

【...and 4 more bonus points. You have obtained the title of 'Ghostly Soul Destroyer' for 4 points. You have become the 'Village Chief's Wife' for 4 points. Your current score is 39 points.】

【You have topped the leaderboard. You will receive two reward cards; please claim them on the forum.】

She read the message, but felt nothing. No joy, no pride, no satisfaction. Only a vague and unspeakable sense of dread. She lifted her eyes, and saw the same expression mirrored on the faces of the other two.

Zhao Lan sighed and put down her phone. She touched her chest lightly, as if to soothe her racing heart. 

"It's okay, it's okay," she muttered to herself. "Having a title is a good thing. It means you're strong. It means you're brave. It means you will live longer. You can do this, Zhao Lan. You have to believe in yourself."

Yu Xiao didn't ask. She would find out everything tomorrow morning, when the whole world would know.

She opened the leaderboard, and saw that Zhou Xiao Zhen was still in second place, and Zhao Lan in third. She clicked into the backstage, where two reward cards awaited her. One for physical fitness, and one for props. 

Yu Xiao felt her heart pounding in her chest. She could barely contain the excitement in her voice as she announced to her sisters, "I have something amazing to show you. I've got a prop card!"

"Really?" Zhou Xiao Zhen gasped in delight. "That's wonderful! We have props again!"

Zhao Lan smiled warmly. "Precious and I were lucky enough to get stamina cards this time. We didn't expect much from the harvest. Smiley, don't keep us in suspense. Open it and see what prop it is."

Yu Xiao wasted no time in opening the prop card. The screen erupted in a shower of sparks, and in the midst of the brilliant spectacle, a dark, tangled heap emerged.

【Congratulations! You have obtained a permanent wig.】

"..."

A stunned silence followed. Zhou Xiao Zhen broke it with a suggestion, "I think this prop is more suitable for us than for Smiley."

Zhao Lan ran a hand over her smooth scalp and sighed. "What can we do with this wig?"

【Instructions: When the patient wears the wig, they can shapeshift into anyone the patient has ever laid eyes on. Cooldown time: 24 hours.】

"Holy crap!"

"Awesome!"

Zhao Lan's eyes lit up with joy. "This prop is useful!"

"Come on, Smiley," Zhou Xiao Zhen said eagerly as she closed in on her, "Put on the wig and turn into my dream man before I take you to bed!"

"..."

Yu Xiao never imagined props could have such a purpose; it only showed how her imagination was too lacking.

She cleared her throat and said awkwardly, "Maybe we shouldn't use props so recklessly." She added, "Besides, we don't even have them yet."

"Ugh, the delivery is taking forever." Zhou Xiao Zhen let go of Yu Xiao and started to ponder which male god she would make Smiley impersonate.

Zhao Lan checked her card and said, "I always get these physical fitness cards. I feel like I'm going to morph into the Hulk any day now."

"I haven't used mine either." Zhou Xiao Zhen said, "Don't worry, Misty, you'll be as strong as the Hulk, but you'll still look as stunning as ever."

Yu Xiao activated her physical fitness card too, gaining a +30 boost and unlocking the achievement of having the strength of an ox.

"Nine cows and two tigers..." Zhao Lan stared at her achievement, feeling a mix of pride and dismay. As a universally recognized sexy beauty, she never expected to be linked to the phrase "nine cows and two tigers."

The three of them chatted while they waited for the delivery. What Yu Xiao didn't know was that she had become a sensation in the Hospital Forum.

A few minutes ago, a new post popped up on the patient exchange forum.

【I Met a Top Player in the Instance!】

The OP gushed about how she met the top player.

【...The first time I saw her, I knew she was special. Then at night she woke us up and told us in a cool voice that she had chased a ghost across half the village. She even showed us a bunch of talismans, a huge bunch...】

【Wow, is the top player this badass? Which hospital's top player is she?】

【She's a real top player, keep it up, OP!】

【We can only admire from afar...】

【She's the top player from the Fourth Hospital, 'Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave'! She's a young lady, a very beautiful one!! She's my idol, I adore her, I want to be like her...】

The OP was thrilled, but the bystanders were doubtful.

【'Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave'? A woman? No way. I've heard some tales about him from the morning news, he doesn't sound like a lady.】

【Is the original poster hallucinating? Or maybe writing a novel. 'My Secret Romance with the Top-ranking Big Shot.'】

【I don't care if it's fake, I love this kind of novels. More, original poster, more!】

【The original poster is telling the truth; I can vouch for that. I was in the same instance. The big shot is really badass. When she saw me wounded, she immediately pulled out two talismans to heal me...】

【Hmph, I knew you wouldn't trust me. Let me recount the whole instance, so you can see the amazing feats of the top-ranking big shot...】

"Knock, knock, knock."

"Delivery!"

"I'm here! I'm here!" Yu Xiao rushed to get the delivery, tore it open, and found a large curly wig inside.

"Wow!" Zhou Xiao Zhen's voice dripped with envy as she cried out, "This wig is... I would be over the moon wearing it, and even more so seeing someone else wear it. Smiley, put it on now. I've made up my mind, you'll turn into the twenty-year-old version of Leonardo."

Yu Xiao's face paled. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What's the matter?" Zhou Xiao Zhen said, "We just got a new prop, don't we want to try it out?"

She had a point, so Yu Xiao put the wig on, muttering under her breath, "Leonardo at twenty, Leonardo at twenty..."

All of a sudden, a shocked gasp escaped Yu Xiao's mouth as Zhou Xiao Zhen, like a ravenous beast, leaped on her, hugged her tightly, and planted a passionate kiss on her cheek.

“Wuuu...” Zhou Xiao Zhen sobbed, "I'm dying happy..."

"Come on, come on, it's not that serious," Yu Xiao said in a panic and turned to Zhao Lan, "Misty, help me get her off."

But Zhao Lan stayed on the side, her face glowing, gazing at Yu Xiao. After a long pause, she said, "Smiley, you... you look so real, even your voice."

"Smiley, let's share a bed tonight," Zhou Xiao Zhen said, her curiosity rising, "Are you also Leonardo under your clothes?"

"..."

"Come on, let's take a selfie together."

"I want to take a selfie cuddling with Leonardo..."

That night, three beds were joined together, and Yu Xiao slept in the center. Zhou Xiao Zhen stubbornly refused to let Yu Xiao remove her wig early. She explained with tears in her eyes that she didn't know if she would ever make it out of the hospital and hoped Yu Xiao could ease her sorrowful yet short life.

After hearing that, Yu Xiao couldn't say no. Besides, Zhou Xiao Zhen promised that next time she would wear a wig and become Yu Xiao's male god to sleep with her.

Yu Xiao thought, I don't have a male god like that, but she didn't reject her because who knows when she might find one?

*

*

In the dimly lit room, Yu Xiao stirred first. Her wig had lost its allure, tangled tendrils framing her face. Beside her, Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zhao Lan snoozed peacefully, their forms entwined with hers, as though she were a Lothario with enchanting companions at her side.

"Awake, my dears," Yu Xiao tried to wriggle her arms free. "You'll miss the morning news if you don't."

Reluctantly, Zhao Lan's eyes fluttered open, dismayed to see Yu Xiao's lovely face. She turned away, gracefully slipping out of bed with a subtle sigh.

Meanwhile, Zhou Xiao Zhen, having just awakened, cradled her face in her hands. "I had a marvellous dream last night."

Yu Xiao smiled knowingly. "Dreaming about you and Leonardo?"

"Yeah!" Zhou Xiao Zhen nodded eagerly. "We played mahjong together, and he praised me as the finest mahjong player in the world."

"And then?" 

"Then, alas, I awoke."

"..."

"We can start posting on the forum now," Zhao Lan said, holding a towel on her way to the bathroom. "Have you decided what the first post should be?"

Zhou Xiao Zhen thought for a moment, then shook her head. "Not really. What about you, Smiley?"

"I've been pondering this since last night," Yu Xiao said. "At first, I wanted to post an instance strategy. But then I realised my strategy might not work for everyone. But I feel like I should do something, something that can benefit everyone."

"So, what's your plan?"

"I'm planning to open a shop on the forum," Yu Xiao said earnestly. "I'll sell talismans at reasonable prices for everyone."

"Alright." Zhao Lan agreed. "Since you've made up your mind, we'll all back you up."

Yu Xiao grinned happily. It was wonderful to have friends who firmly supported her choices.

"Ding dong!"

The familiar notification sound chimed, followed by gentle music. The curtains slowly parted, as if a floral scent drifted in from outside the window.

"A beautiful day begins now. Here is the morning news from the hospital~."

☆ 39 A chain Reaction to the Morning News

"...The old walls of St. Elizabeth Psychiatric Hospital got a fresh coat of paint, and the rusty gates have been oiled and polished. Soon, the hospital would welcome back its old and new guests, eager to cure their troubled minds…

…Meanwhile, at the Sixth Hospital, a sign was posted on the kitchen door: ‘Wanted: Meal Delivery Person. No experience or skills required. Just a strong stomach and a brave heart. Apply within.’…

…In other news, the Gu Family Village was in turmoil. The venerable Dr. Gu, who had been treating the villagers for decades, had suddenly resigned. The village was now looking for a new attending doctor... preferably with over forty years of experience...

…"

The three friends listened to the radio report with disbelief. 

Zhou Xiao Zhen turned to Yu Xiao and asked, “Is this the same Gu Family Village we visited? What made Dr. Gu quit?”

Yu Xiao shrugged. She was just a regular patient at the Sixth Hospital, or so she thought. But something in her gut told her that she had a connection to the village. A connection she would rather deny.

“Maybe it’s a different village,” she said. “Stop asking questions and pay attention to the radio.”

"Yesterday, the Third Hospital announced its latest rankings, and a patient with the nickname 'Brother Legend' rose to the top. Let’s give him a round of applause…

…At the Fourth Hospital, a patient with the nickname ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’ kept his lead. Let’s cheer for him. This patient impressed everyone with his skills during the treatment, earning the honourable titles of ‘Mighty Restrainer of Men’ and ‘Village Chief’s Little Concubine.’ Let’s congratulate him once more."

Yu Xiao’s face fell as she heard the last part. Village Chief’s Little Mistress? Did that mean that either Lu Xun or Luo Jin was ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’? And that she had been pretending to be someone else in front of the real owner…

"...And now, for some breaking news. The patient who calls himself 'Whispering Monk' has distinguished himself in yesterday's treatment, and has been awarded the honourable title of 'Village Chief's Little Concubine.' Let's congratulate him."

"Holy Cow."

Hearing that, Yu Xiao saw Zhou Xiao Zhen gasp, like she had just figured out something bad.

"Furthermore, we have another remarkable achievement to report. The patient who is known as 'Deaf Descendant' from the Sixth Hospital has once again surpassed all expectations. Let us extend our warmest commendations to her. She has excelled in the treatment and has obtained three splendid titles: 'Shit-Hole Destroyer,' 'Ghostly Soul Destroyer,' and 'Village Chief's Wife.' Let us applaud her with enthusiasm..."

Clap, clap, clap...

Seriously? There was actually applause? Yu Xiao turned around and spotted Zhao Lan and Zhou Xiao Zhen clapping like crazy.

"Smiley, you're my hero," Zhou Xiao Zhen said sincerely, "for evermore."

Zhao Lan sighed, "Getting three titles at once, I bet you're going to be famous again."

Yu Xiao had the same feeling, but she thought it had more to do with the content of the titles than the quantity.

"...Moreover, the patient who bears the nickname of 'Braised Egg Girl 438' has performed admirably in yesterday's treatment, and has earned the illustrious title of 'Village Chief's Concubine.'"

"...The patient who is called 'Nickname Hassle' has also shone in yesterday's treatment, and has received the prestigious title of 'Village Chief's Concubine.' Let us congratulate her..."

After the news ended, the ward went quiet for a long time.

At last, Zhao Lan broke the silence, summing up with a cup in her hands, "This piece of news... has a lot of info."

Yu Xiao nodded, "They're lying; they're not from the Fifth Ward at all."

Zhou Xiao Zhen licked her dry lips and said in a low voice, “Smiley, we can’t exactly point fingers at them, can we?”

Zhao Lan let out a weary sigh. “It’s a game of lies and secrets, that’s all. No harm done. The real problem is, we’ve been posing as Fourth Institute folks, and Smiley here has been impersonating one of them. That’s awkward as hell.”

Yu Xiao shuddered as she remembered the eerie grin on Lu Xun’s face. It reminded her of the time she lied to her teacher about her homework, saying her dog had devoured it, only to have her mom show up and expose her in front of everyone.

“I want to crawl into a hole,” Yu Xiao buried her face in her hands.

“Smiley, come on. Look on the bright side. We’ll never see them again, right?” Zhou Xiao Zhen boasted, “And I said no to Lu Xun when he wanted my number. How smart am I?”

“…”

Zhou Xiao Zhen: “Why the weird face, Smiley? You look spooked.”

“I…” Yu Xiao covered her face with both hands, “I gave Luo Jin my number.”

“Oh, boy…” Zhou Xiao Zhen, who had read too few books in her life, was at a loss for words.

*

*

Meanwhile, in a ward of the Fourth Institute, Lu Xun slapped his thigh and exclaimed, “They’re from the Sixth Institute!”

Luo Jin kept his mouth shut, but his eyes widened slightly in shock. Lu Xun was baffled, “But they’re all rookies. How do they have so many talismans?”

Luo Jin pondered for a second and said, “Drawing talismans.”

“Right! She’s a talisman master!” Lu Xun paced around the ward with excitement, “And not only can shen draw talismans, she doesn’t seem to mess up often. That’s how she can whip out so many talismans on the spot. Talismans cost a fortune in the mall. If we get cosy with a talisman master, we’ll be rolling in dough… hold on a sec!”

Lu Xun groaned and raked his fingers through his hair, “I didn’t get her numbers. I missed the numbers of all three of them! Oh God!! I had such a golden chance right in front of me, but I wasted it. I’m so full of regret now that it’s gone. If God gives me a do-over, I will surely say to that girl…”

Luo Jin: “I got her number.”

Lu Xun: “?”

Lu Xun: “!!!”

*

*

They weren’t the only ones who were shocked. At that moment, in two different wards of the Fifth Hospital, things went haywire.

“What?” Zuo Qing blinked, “Did I hear that wrong? ‘Deaf Descendant’ is the village chief’s wife?”

Sun Yun replayed everything she had heard just now, along with the events in the village before, and had to break the news to Zuo Qing, “I hate to say it, but you were duped. She’s not your idol at all.”

“Woo, she’s my idol too!” Zuo Qing sobbed, “All the top players are my idols. Boo hoo, no wonder she didn’t give me her number, she thought my only idol was Zhuge Liang!”

“Don’t cry.” Sun Yun tried to console her, “Look at it this way. You got to see two idols at once. Did you catch that, ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’ was also in the instance.”

“Woo, that makes me even more miserable…” Zuo Qing was heartbroken, “I still don’t know who ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’ was.”

Their sadness was ignored, as Zuo Qing’s post from yesterday on the forum was revived and flooded with new comments.

*

*

【Why is today’s news different from what the OP said?】

【Most of it matches, but there’s one twist.】

【Didn’t they say ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’ is the main wife? Why is he the concubine now?】

【Holy crap, that newbie from the Sixth Hospital is amazing, actually beating the top player from the Fourth Hospital.】

【Are you kidding? Both the main wife and the concubine are top players…】

【I get it now. OP was fooled.】

【OP is so pitiful, being fooled by two top players at the same time. LOL.】

【Don’t you guys care about the main thing? Can someone tell me how the title ‘Shit-Hole Destroyer’ was earned…】

*

*

The Fifth Hospital forum was buzzing with this, and Yu Xiao was unaware. She received a call from the Fourth Hospital.

The call connected, and a familiar voice on the other end accused, “You lied to me!”

Yu Xiao put the call on speaker and snapped back in a loud voice, “You lied to us too!”

It was Lu Xun.

Zhou Xiao Zhen asked, “What do you want?”

“Hehe.” Lu Xun wriggled, “We’re so fated, don’t you think? We should stay in touch. It’s been a day, and I miss you guys so much.”

“Huh.” Yu Xiao snorted, “If you keep talking like that, I’ll block you.”

“No, please!” Lu Xun groaned, “You’re such a young girl, why are you so… ruthless in your actions?”

Zhou Xiao Zhen butted in, “Smiley, he was totally about to swear at you just now, but he changed his words at the last second.”

Lu Xun complained, “You’re being unfair!”

“Enough, enough, enough,” Zhao Lan said, fed up with their bickering, “What’s your reason for calling us?”

Lu Xun hesitated for a moment and then said in a low voice, “Zhou Xiao, you can draw talismans, right?”

“…”

The trio felt a mix of emotions at that moment. On one hand, Lu Xun sounded very earnest, and on the other hand, Yu Xiao realised he still didn’t know her real name.

“Uh.” Yu Xiao rubbed the back of her ear, “Yeah, I can draw symbols. And my name isn’t Zhou Xiao, it’s Yu Xiao.”

“…” Lu Xun was quiet for a moment. “In the hospital, everyone goes by nicknames. What’s the point of making up fake names?”

Yu Xiao snorted, “Hmph!”

“Alright,” Lu Xun knew he needed their help now, so he switched his tone, “Let’s introduce ourselves again. I’m Lu Xun, nickname is ‘Whispering Monk’.”

“Huh…”

The three on the other side all scoffed at him. Lu Xun cleared his throat, “Well, it was just a random pick back then. Lao Luo is ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’, the one you pretended to be.”

Yu Xiao said, “You know my name and nickname.”

Zhao Lan said, “Zhao Lan, ‘Nickname Hassle’.”

Zhou Xiao Zhen added, “Zhou Xiao Zhen, ‘Braised Egg Girl 438’.”

“So, now that we’re officially acquainted, let’s shake hands virtually.” Lu Xun said, “Yu Xiao, you can draw talismans, and your success rate is not bad. Let’s be frank, we want your talismans.”

Yu Xiao paused, puzzled, “How? We’re not from the same hospital.”

“But deliveries are linked among all hospitals,” Lu Xun laughed, “I admit you’re talented, but you’re still a newbie. There are many things you don’t know. In terms of experience, we veterans from the Fourth Hospital are definitely more savvy. And I can tell you one thing, treatment copies are reusable. Do you know what that means?”

After Lu Xun finished, he heard silence on the other end of the phone. Thinking he had amazed the three newcomers, he smugly continued, “It means that many of the copies we’ve done, you might do in the future. If I share the details of our experiences with you, do you know what that means?”

“Sure,” Zhou Xiao Zhen said, “It’s like having a cheat sheet.”

Zhao Lan added, “I thought he was going to reveal some awesome news, making me nervous for nothing.”

“Me too, I was really nervous,” Yu Xiao spoke into the phone, “I get it now, Lu Xun, you want to benefit from our talismans without giving anything back. You’re really sneaky.”

☆ 40 Dean’s duties 

Lu Xun was perplexed by the aloof attitude of the three people. He tried to explain, “Do you not get the importance of this? Let me clue you in…”

“Alright, cut to the chase,” Yu Xiao interrupted, wanting him to save his breath. “First off, there are loads of instances for the treatment dungeons, and there’s no guarantee we’ll end up in the same one you’ve been to. Second off, we have other sources to acquire instance intel.”

…

Lu Xun had initially thought he would lead this negotiation until he found himself gawking at Luo Jin with a clueless expression. Luo Jin couldn’t stand his dumb look and snatched the phone, saying, “What are you willing to trade for the talismans?”

That’s more like it. Yu Xiao preferred straightforward people, and Lu Xun was too sly to handle. She said, “Anything with points is cool.”

“If we use points, we can buy them in the mall,” Luo Jin said slowly, “and it’s not a very handy transaction. Using items is okay, but we need to talk it over.”

“No problem,” Yu Xiao replied, “Talk it over, and remember to ring me up later.”

After hanging up, Zhao Lan said, “They are old-timers from the Fourth Hospital, always in the top ten. They must have a lot of items in their inventory.”

“Yeah,” Yu Xiao concurred. Although talismans were powerful, items had more magical and diverse functions.

The trio had three items in their possession, but Yu Xiao’s two were just for support, only Zhou Xiao Zhen’s mahjong had some oomph. She also wanted to snag a more powerful item for Lan Jie, boosting the strength of all three.

“The items are best if we can choose them ourselves,” Zhao Lan analysed. “Precious’s mahjong doesn’t have a high attack power, mainly control functions. It would be sweet if we could grab a highly damaging item.”

“The powerful ones are probably taken, and they probably won’t part with them,” Zhou Xiao Zhen said. “Besides, Smiley’s talismans have wicked killing power, totally making up for that flaw.”

“No,” Yu Xiao shook her head, remembering the encounter in the ancient village. “My talismans have a lot of killing power against ghosts, but I don’t know about monsters. In case we run into those kinds of monsters again in the temple, I might not be lucky enough to escape in one piece.”

“Smiley is right,” Zhao Lan sided with her.

“But,” Zhou Xiao Zhen looked at Yu Xiao, “Smiley, your luck is off the charts. You’ve already hit the ‘Jackpot of good luck’. Have you forgotten?”

“…”

For a moment, Yu Xiao was speechless. Many people said luck was also a part of skill, but probably no one would want to depend on luck for their life, after all, luck was too fickle.

“Let’s just wait,” Yu Xiao said. “Wait for Luo Jin and the others’ answer.”

Anyway, it’s a seller’s market, they don’t need to rush.

In the following time, the three of them coincidentally opened the forum, starting to brainstorm what to post in the first thread on the Sixth Hospital Patient Forum.

The Sixth Hospital forum was as empty as a haunted house. Besides the admin’s posted rules, not a single thread was in sight. The three of them were probably the first to reach the forum’s third level. So, their first post had to be handled with utmost care to preserve their status as forum big shots.

Yu Xiao lay on the bed, originally planning to start a thread selling talismans. But now, she wondered if making her first post a business one would ruin her top-tier image.

Lost in thought, she opened the Fourth Hospital forum, hoping to find some inspiration and learn a thing or two.

Once she accessed the Fourth Hospital forum, the first post that caught her eye was:

【Top-ranked from the Fourth Hospital reduced to a concubine: moral downfall or human perversion?】

The title was so enticing that Yu Xiao didn’t hesitate to click into it.

【Hey, everyone! Remember our chat on the forum about whether the top-ranked from the Sixth Academy is more badass or the top-ranked from our Fourth Academy is? Do you guys recall?

Back then, the OP believed it was my bro Dragon who was the most awesome. But many mocked me, saying Dragon might just be lucky, and the rookies from the Sixth Academy, no matter how awesome, can’t match Zhuge’s prowess.

Hahaha… The god of the Horror Hospital heard my call and actually put my bro Dragon and Zhuge in the same instance. Now, the results are out, right? My bro Dragon is the main wife, and Zhuge is just a concubine! One of the four concubines! Let’s see who dares to mock my bro Dragon now. He’s the face-slapping champ!】

【666, I also support Brother Dragon!】

【Why is the dragon’s heir so awesome?】

【I said it that day, he can’t be called the Dragon’s Descendant because I am the dragon’s Descendant…】

【Zhuge really disgraced our Fourth Hospital, but thinking that Zhuge is actually a girl, I forgive her.】

【Zhuge isn’t a girl; I’ve seen him, he’s a total man!】

【If he’s not a girl, how can he be a concubine?】

【Who said the village chief must be male?】

【Damn, I’ve seen Zhuge too, why is he a concubine? He’s damn handsome, I don’t believe the Dragon’s Descendant is better looking than him!】

【…】

The forum was slowly going crazy, but Yu Xiao found it rather amusing. Several times, she felt the itch to join in. Sadly, she wasn’t from the Fourth Hospital and couldn’t chime in on the Fourth Hospital forum. She could only watch with a secretly thrilled heart as people from the Fourth Hospital engaged in fiery debates.

Hehe, feels kinda nice~

Scrolling down, she bumped into a post about her.

【Let’s discuss why 'Dragon Descendant' is so badass.】

【OP was once a newbie too and now reminisces about the time when I first entered the Fourth Hospital. It was pure luck that I didn’t kick the bucket. Being a newbie, I was clueless and timid.

To be honest, me OP is a tough guy, but during the early days at the Fourth Hospital, I sobbed every night. Let’s not talk about anything else; even having a meal every day was nerve-racking.

OP is genuinely curious about what kind of person can be so awesome as a newbie.】

【I want to know too, but I have to stress, I’m the Dragon’s Descendant, they are definitely not just those two words from the Sixth Hospital!】

【I think Brother Dragon must be super brave, as those with small guts usually bite the dust on the first day. Secondly, he must be smart, easily cracking the mysteries within the instance.

Then, he’s definitely a hunk. Everyone knows, relying only on brains won’t cut it in the instance; you need a certain level of fighting power. Brother Dragon is still a newbie, probably doesn’t have many tools or talismans, so his only support is his own strength.

I’m sure Brother Dragon has a great body, definitely has an eight-pack, maybe even Schwarzenegger’s type.】

【I agree with what the person above said; otherwise, why would the village chief let Brother Dragon be the hubby? He must be strong in that department.】

【Are you saying Zhuge can’t do it?】

【I never said that; you’re twisting my words!】

【…】

Yu Xiao had a wicked urge to call Luo Jin and tell him what someone had said about his skills in bed. But that would mean spilling the secrets of the Fourth Hospital forum, and she couldn’t do that. So she bit her tongue, and let the amusement bubble inside her until she squirmed on the bed like a fish out of water.

Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zhao Lan had been absorbed in the forum’s debates, but they looked up when they saw Yu Xiao’s antics.

“What’s up with Smiley?” Zhao Lan wondered.

Zhou Xiao Zhen watched her for a second and said, “She looks like how I used to sneak a peek at spicy stuff in the dorm.”

Zhao Lan felt out of touch. “What’s spicy stuff?”

“The kind that’s ‘bad’ for you,” Zhou Xiao Zhen said. “You know, like the literature on Jinjiang Literary City. The kind that would get you banned if you posted it on Jinjiang (www.jjwxc.net).”

“Oh,” Zhao Lan said, and sighed. “Youth is a marvellous thing.”

Yu Xiao was still giddy when her phone rang.

Zhao Lan and Zhou Xiao Zhen dropped their phones, curious if it was Luo Jin.

Yu Xiao checked the number, and raised her eyebrows. Was this person actually calling her voluntarily?

“Hello?” She answered, and put on a voice as sweet and sly as a fox spirit. “You’re calling me on your own? Do you miss me~?”

The other end was silent for a long time, then said, “St. Elizabeth is getting new patients soon, did you know?”

"I know," Yu Xiao said, "I heard it in the news."

“The hospital needs a Dean to run smoothly,” George said, his voice flat, but Yu Xiao could feel the tension behind it. “When will you come back to St. Elizabeth?”

“Er?” Yu Xiao hadn’t planned on it. “Do I need to? Is it that big of a deal?”

George went silent for a bit, then said, “Only the Dean can get into the Dean’s office.”

“But…” Yu Xiao scratched her head, torn. “I’m a patient too, and I need the treatment. Can’t you figure something out? I don’t want to stay in St. Elizabeth all the time. Can I give you the Dean’s job?”

George, who had found out that the old worker, Gu Shu, had bailed on the Gu Family Village, suddenly felt like doing the same.

“Attending doctors are meant to be just attending doctors,” George resisted the impulse to break St. Elizabeth again, saying, “You can be gone sometimes, but when a patient tries to open the door to the Dean’s office, you gotta be there.”

“Fine,” Yu Xiao groaned, messing up her hair. “How do I get there?”

George said, “I’ll send you something. With it, you can come back to St. Elizabeth anytime.”

“Fine,” Yu Xiao said.

As George was about to cut the call, Yu Xiao suddenly asked, “Have you missed me while I was away?”

“Beep beep beep…”

George hung up.

“Was that George on the phone?” Zhou Lan, who had been snooping silently, nosed, “What did he want with you? Did he miss you?”

Yu Xiao nodded. "Here's the deal. The main thing is that I have a job to do. I need to fulfil my duties as the Dean of St. Elizabeth."

"Ah?" Zhao Lan gasped, "How do you plan on doing that? Will you just sit in the office like the previous Dean and eliminate anyone who interrupts?"

"Well…" Yu Xiao scratched her chin, "I forgot to ask George about that."

Zhou Xiao Zhen chimed in, "Why don't you give him another call?"

☆ | Next Chapter 

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